Tuesday, 31 July 2012

How To Cope & Eventually Heal Over A Heartbreak - in no particularorder.

I am not a drama actress. I took this right after I got closure for myself. And this picture was a reminder.
1. Allow yourself 2 days ONLY to cry & bawl your eyes over  
    it. No more, no less. 
    I did it for a week & it sucked. But crying is helpful, just not 
    too much.
    There was one time I cried non stop for 4 month   
    (involuntarily) and ended up with broken blue-green veins 
    around my eye area. I had to see an eye specialist for my 
    serious eye twitches that compromised my vision during 
    my performances. The doctor recommended either a 
    Valium prescription or Botox injections to my eyelids. 
    I went for neither of those rubbish. 
    I just eliminated the root of the problem. 

2. Spring clean your room.
    I am allergic to dust and pretty OCD about a lot of things, 
    so this works for me.

3. Go out and hang with friends. 
    Don't stay at home alone to mope.

4. Listen to upbeat songs and sing loudly to them. No sappy 
    sad songs because the side effects from listening to sad 
    sappy songs are probably more crying sessions and 
    probable depressing or suicidal thoughts. Not good. 
    I also strongly recommend KARAOKE SESSIONS.
    (Yes. You may choose to sing 'I Will Survive' if you must)

5. Talk to someone immediately about it.
    I called a friend immediately after the breakup and had a 
    nervous breakdown over the phone. But I felt a lot better 
    after all that crying and allowed myself to be vulnerable 
    during that moment. Bless that friend who endured all that 
    and listened patiently with so much empathy & kindness.

6. Not a good deed but it seriously helps : Bitch Fest. 
    Trash out about what made you unhappy in the relationship 
    and allow yourself that one time to be angry and say all 
    that you want to say about the person. Enough bitching 
    and then you move on to better things in life. Because you 
    know that person ain't all that bad. 
    Or maybe not. You decide.

7. No drunk dialing.
    I personally don't do this, ever. But I know of many who 
    does this and end up sending ridiculous emo 
    texts/emails/cry over the phone during the conversation. 
    So if you know that you fall in this category, assign a close 
    friend (or a few if necessary) to be your emergency back 
    up plan when you cannot resist that urge to drunk dial. You 
    will save yourself much unnecessary embarrassment. 
    Have some pride will you?! (slap slap!)

8. Find a new hobby/do something that you have always 
    wanted to do but never had the chance to. Pick up a new 
    instrument/learn a new language/DIY something. 
    In my case, I actually got myself a day job as a barista at a 
    new coffee place near my home, so that I can learn the art 
    of making coffee and get paid for doing it as well. It is not a 
    high paying job but I have always wanted to be a barista 
    ever since forever and what perfect timing this was. I also 
    participated in a model search for a magazine just for kicks 
    and got shortlisted! Wish me luck for that one, if I do get it 
    you will see me on your local newsstands very soon,   

9. Exercise
    You could join a gym or pick up a new fitness trend. I used 
    to cycle a lot on the stationary bike at the condo I used to 
    live in but nowadays I dance in my room or skip rope 
    outside my house. I strongly recommend Zumba and yoga 
    (I did them and I loved them!) and if you have anger 
    management issues, try Muay Thai.

10. DANCE. Don't be shy. You WILL feel awesome.

11. Don't drink your sorrows away. 
      It never works. For me it doesn't anyway. Drink to 
      celebrate something great or when you are happy with a 
      group of great friends. Alcohol amplifies whatever 
      emotions you are having at the moment and also makes 
      you do stupid things the moment you get tipsy/drunk, so 
      you don't want to do things you regret later the next day. 
      It could get pretty ugly.

12. Watch animations or cartoons on tv and funny stand ups 
      on Youtube (try Eddie Murphy's Delirious and Raw tour. 
      Okay. You can also watch Russell Peters, that will do the 
      trick too.) Funny movies and series (not Korean drama 
      series or Bollywood stuff) are highly recommended. I love 
      Friends and How I Met Your Mother. I also like Little 
      Britain and Whose Line Is It Anyway a lot.

13. Retail therapy. Nuff said. But go easy on it. 
      You don't want to end up living on the streets.

Glen Hew is my hair god. Go to him okay. All my friends & sister do.
Reza Salleh & Darren Ashley got their hair done by him too.
14. Get a new hair cut. 
      Do not chop off ALL of your beautiful hair or shave off   
      everything in anger. Get a nice trim instead or try out a 
      new shade of brown or red. You want to look 
      GORGEOUS, not emo & depressed. And not UGLY.

15. Write a song about it. Form a band with a bunch of friends 
      and write songs together.
      I was hanging out with a bunch of noob friends and we 
      ended up recording a 12 song 'expensive hip hop' album 
      in 3 hours, in the wee hours of the morning. And we also 
      went on to do an open mic stint with much gusto and 
      bluff. Now, that was fun. And inspiring. Makes me want to 
      write some more. The album will be released soon. It is 
      currently being mixed and the album cover is of 'high 
      quality'. RM5 only. I hope the album makes it to 
      Starbucks and Artisan Roast Coffee. I also hope that 
      Moonshine will distribute us somehow. Please support   
      local music.ok.thanks.babai.
Watch out, watch out. These are serious noobs who take music seriously.
And being silly seriously.
16. Go on a fun road trip with friends to watch a happening 
      concert. Last year I went to Labis to pick durians & 
      watched The Cranberries live in Singapore. This year I 
      am going to watch Garbage in Singapore! Ah jyeahhhhh.

17. Call your mum. Or your dad. Your siblings. The rest of the 
      family members.Talk to them about other stuff, catch up 
      on each other and eventually, talk about your recent 
      heartbreak. They say the wisest things (most of the time) 
      and they will comfort you in their own ways. My sisters   
     (both younger than me) gives me amazing advice.
Me and my beautiful mum and sisters. I love them very much.
I just don't say it to their face. It's an Asian thing.
      Listen to it religiously. Heavy dose of music is highly 
      recommended and greatly beneficial for your soul.

19. Pet an animal. Adopt a kitty or a puppy. Look at cute 
      animal photos from the internet. They will make you feel 
      so much better. And you will smile and have a good laugh 
      from looking at those pictures. Satisfaction guaranteed.

20. Get a new makeup makeover. 
      Ask the makeup artists on duty to give you some tips on 
      how to look fresh as a daisy or update your makeup 
      technique. Don't be intimidated by them. They are     
      probably bored to death standing around waiting for some 
      sales to happen, and might be more than eager to 
      experiment with new looks on you.

21. Bake something. Cook. Both are therapeutic for me and I 
      love seeing how stuff from scratch can turn into 
      something so delicious and pretty.
      I have yet to attempt to make a lasagna. Hmmm.

22. Blog about it. Haha.
      If you must be emo or angry about the experience, may I 
      suggest that you keep the person's name anonymous.   
      Unless that person is a major bad bad bad human being 
      with a black heart and has hurt plenty of people, then I 
      shall give you my green light to even make a banner or 
      billboard advertisement for that.

23. Island or beach getaway. The calm sea, the warm sun, 
      the sandcastle building fun...it helps. A lot. Or go traveling 
      somewhere exotic and fun. Like Capetown or Bangkok or 
      Europe (if you can afford it).

24. Do charity work.Volunteer at a shelter. 
      At the moment I am sorting out stuff to give away. Letting 
      go of old stuff makes room for new things to come into 
      your life.

25. Difficult to do but very good for your speedy heartbreak   
      recovery : Throw out everything from the relationship, be 
      it any form of mementoes like photos, old movie tickets, 
      the cards, the gifts etc. 
      (Deleting his/her friends from your Facebook is a little 
       extreme but highly recommended if you want to start 
       anew and you are the type that cannot handle anything 
       that may remind you of him/her) 
      Don't keep those things. You don't need a reminder of 
      that person. I had a major bonfire during one particular 
      island getaway with 3 of my girlfriends to burn 
      EVERYTHING that I saved from my previous 
      relationships, from the very first one to the current 
      heartbreak ('oh my gawd what were you thinking going  
      out with him?!" "oh man, why do you still keep this?? 
      ewww"). It is not good. Good riddance! You keep hanging 
      on to the past and that doesn't help you move on with life 
      healthily and positively.

26. Have desserts and food parties. 
      I feasted non stop for a week a few days after the break 
      up but it did not compromise my figure too much because 
      I shared all my food with my friends. During every break 
      up I get some form of weird eating disorder and lose 
      massive weight due to the stress, but I ate everything in 
      small portions this time and enjoyed every morsels of new 
      culinary adventures as well as familiar favorites.
With me girls at The Hungry Hog. It was da bomb.
This was the lamest, lousiest hotel food provided to us during a wedding function. But the rose wine was good.
27. Treat yourself like a Queen. (or a King)
      Go to a spa. Get a facial. I personally like mani-pedis and 
      body massages. You will feel fabulous. And it will hurt 
      your pockets, so try to do it sparingly. If you can afford to 
      do it everyday, by all means go ahead!

You can never tell from this pic that I was going through the hardest time of my life in this picture.
But boy, did I feel fabulous & gorgeous. Everything by Topshop.
28. Dress up everyday.
      I know this may seem hard to do because the easiest 
      thing is to just stay in bed, not take a shower and not eat 
      and wear the same ugly thing you wore forever. STOP IT. 
      Go ahead and get dressy. You will feel good when you 
      look good. And the whole process of getting ready is the 
      fun part and it is also like some form of meditation for me. 
      You must fake it till you make it.

29. Meditate.
      This was shared to me by a Thai friend of mine. He is a 
      devout Buddhist and has served as a novice monk. 
      Acknowledge the pain, acknowledge the thoughts of that 
      person that hurt you and the whole relationship 
      experience. Do not run away from the pain or you will end 
      up with emotional baggage (and that ain't sexy). 
     Just allow that thought to linger for 2 seconds, 
     acknowledge it and move on to a happier thought. Like the 
     awesome BKT supper you had last night or the absolutely 
     sinful red velvet cake you had right after the BKT supper    
     (recipe for a stroke or gout).

30. Girls night out. Boys night out.
      Talk with new people. Flirt shamelessly (in a classy way   
      please?) but don't go home with anyone. Make sure you  
      have friends who chaperons you. You don't want to do 
      something you will regret the morning after. 
      Or end up in a rebound relationship. Not good for either 

31. Some people resort to pain to numb the pain. Like body 
      piercings or tattoos. 
      I write inspiring and motivational notes and stick them all 
      over my room. And I also put up happy photos of me with 
      my friends and family. DO NOT TATTOO HIS/HER 
      NAME. Laser removal treatments are very, very painful 
      and your skin will look kind of yucky afterwards.

32. Hug someone. Hold someone's hand. Especially if that 
      other person is hurting too. You will feel a great lift to your 
      current burden knowing that you made the other person 
      feel better, hurting less inside.

33. No Facebook wars please. 
      Don't announce your break up publicly and make a scene. 
      You will just look stupid and make everyone feel 
      uncomfortable. Do not make people take sides.

34. Get self help books (especially if you cannot afford the 
      services of a shrink). Reading is great for you. It gives 
      you a different (and probably better) perspective in life 
      and you might reassess your life and approach to life 
      differently. You might change for the better. 
      I strongly recommend reading Paulo Coelho's works. 
      And remember, YOU DESERVE BETTER.

35. Do not over analyze the situation.
      It did not work out. It's okay. It isn't you, it's him. It's not 
      her, it's you. It is okay. You will get through this. 
      I promise you that you will. Because my heart is currently   
      breaking every minute of the day but I remind myself 
      gently that this isn't my first time experiencing this. My 
      eyes go green with envy as I admire cute couples who    
      look so happy and so in love with each other. But I don't 
      get bitter about it. Instead, I get really inspired. I become 
      hopeful. I learn to have more faith that real, good 
      righteous love is out there. Don't go looking for it. It will 
      come to you, when the time is right. And when it does, 
      you will laugh about all your past heartbreaks and be 
      grateful for them. 
      Don't lose the lessons though. Don't punish the next 
      person for what the previous person did, because it isn't 
      fair and not everyone is the same. Don't carry the 
      emotional baggage around. Leave it behind.

Again. Could you tell from this picture that I was hurting like hell inside?
I was having nervous breakdowns on an almost daily basis.

I am in a lot of pain at this time, but I know that I will get better. Time heals everything. It always does. 
So while waiting for the wounds to recover, you have got to love yourself more than ever and live your life to the fullest. Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got. Love yourself.

And if you must get anything tattooed, make it that. Love yourself. Self love. Love self.

Big big hugs to all of you that maybe hurting out there and remember this :

"Love is joy. Don't convince yourself that suffering is part of it."

"Joy is not a sin. Suffering is not a virtue."

" You can be who you want to be right now, no matter what your situation looks like. Happiness is about how you interpret what's in front of you. How willing you are to enjoy simple pleasures, even if things aren't perfect."


  1. very nice written and brave to open up! you'll be great, wait you are great and awesome! Update more please! ;)

    1. Thank you Madmazelle for reading and for commenting! I hope to be great and awesome one day too myself, haha!

  2. You are priceless, worth more than you can ever imagine and beautiful from inside out. Even if they don't see that, I do! Lots of love and hugs!!!!!

    1. Aww Evelyn, thank you so much for your kind words! Lots of love and hugs too!!

  3. I wished I've read your blog when i first broke up... I'm sorry to hear your lost but i think you deserve better! Do not let one relationship affects your next, You are awesome and don't forget to call me to hang out if you need someone! Big hugs to you!


    1. Thank you Michelle! Everyone deserves better! You flatter me with your kind words, thank you so much! Big big hugs to you too!

  4. I am rather impressed that you came out with this list whilst you are still in pain. You are an incredibly strong woman and not afraid to show your weaknesses!

    I shall keep this list to myself and share it with friends :-)