|I am not a drama actress. I took this right after I got closure for myself. And this picture was a reminder.|
1. Allow yourself 2 days ONLY to cry & bawl your eyes over
it. No more, no less.
I did it for a week & it sucked. But crying is helpful, just not
There was one time I cried non stop for 4 month
(involuntarily) and ended up with broken blue-green veins
around my eye area. I had to see an eye specialist for my
serious eye twitches that compromised my vision during
my performances. The doctor recommended either a
Valium prescription or Botox injections to my eyelids.
I went for neither of those rubbish.
I just eliminated the root of the problem.
2. Spring clean your room.
so this works for me.
3. Go out and hang with friends.
Don't stay at home alone to mope.
sad songs because the side effects from listening to sad
sappy songs are probably more crying sessions and
probable depressing or suicidal thoughts. Not good.
I also strongly recommend KARAOKE SESSIONS.
(Yes. You may choose to sing 'I Will Survive' if you must)
5. Talk to someone immediately about it.
I called a friend immediately after the breakup and had a
nervous breakdown over the phone. But I felt a lot better
after all that crying and allowed myself to be vulnerable
during that moment. Bless that friend who endured all that
and listened patiently with so much empathy & kindness.
6. Not a good deed but it seriously helps : Bitch Fest.
Trash out about what made you unhappy in the relationship
and allow yourself that one time to be angry and say all
that you want to say about the person. Enough bitching
and then you move on to better things in life. Because you
know that person ain't all that bad.
Or maybe not. You decide.
7. No drunk dialing.
I personally don't do this, ever. But I know of many who
does this and end up sending ridiculous emo
texts/emails/cry over the phone during the conversation.
So if you know that you fall in this category, assign a close
friend (or a few if necessary) to be your emergency back
up plan when you cannot resist that urge to drunk dial. You
will save yourself much unnecessary embarrassment.
Have some pride will you?! (slap slap!)
8. Find a new hobby/do something that you have always
wanted to do but never had the chance to. Pick up a new
instrument/learn a new language/DIY something.
In my case, I actually got myself a day job as a barista at a
new coffee place near my home, so that I can learn the art
of making coffee and get paid for doing it as well. It is not a
high paying job but I have always wanted to be a barista
ever since forever and what perfect timing this was. I also
participated in a model search for a magazine just for kicks
and got shortlisted! Wish me luck for that one, if I do get it
you will see me on your local newsstands very soon,
You could join a gym or pick up a new fitness trend. I used
to cycle a lot on the stationary bike at the condo I used to
live in but nowadays I dance in my room or skip rope
outside my house. I strongly recommend Zumba and yoga
(I did them and I loved them!) and if you have anger
management issues, try Muay Thai.
10. DANCE. Don't be shy. You WILL feel awesome.
11. Don't drink your sorrows away.
It never works. For me it doesn't anyway. Drink to
celebrate something great or when you are happy with a
group of great friends. Alcohol amplifies whatever
emotions you are having at the moment and also makes
you do stupid things the moment you get tipsy/drunk, so
you don't want to do things you regret later the next day.
It could get pretty ugly.
12. Watch animations or cartoons on tv and funny stand ups
on Youtube (try Eddie Murphy's Delirious and Raw tour.
Okay. You can also watch Russell Peters, that will do the
trick too.) Funny movies and series (not Korean drama
series or Bollywood stuff) are highly recommended. I love
Friends and How I Met Your Mother. I also like Little
Britain and Whose Line Is It Anyway a lot.
13. Retail therapy. Nuff said. But go easy on it.
You don't want to end up living on the streets.
|Glen Hew is my hair god. Go to him okay. All my friends & sister do. |
Reza Salleh & Darren Ashley got their hair done by him too.
14. Get a new hair cut.Do not chop off ALL of your beautiful hair or shave off
everything in anger. Get a nice trim instead or try out a
new shade of brown or red. You want to look
GORGEOUS, not emo & depressed. And not UGLY.
15. Write a song about it. Form a band with a bunch of friends
and write songs together.
I was hanging out with a bunch of noob friends and we
ended up recording a 12 song 'expensive hip hop' album
in 3 hours, in the wee hours of the morning. And we also
went on to do an open mic stint with much gusto and
bluff. Now, that was fun. And inspiring. Makes me want to
write some more. The album will be released soon. It is
currently being mixed and the album cover is of 'high
quality'. RM5 only. I hope the album makes it to
Starbucks and Artisan Roast Coffee. I also hope that
Moonshine will distribute us somehow. Please support
|Watch out, watch out. These are serious noobs who take music seriously. |
And being silly seriously.
concert. Last year I went to Labis to pick durians &
watched The Cranberries live in Singapore. This year I
am going to watch Garbage in Singapore! Ah jyeahhhhh.
17. Call your mum. Or your dad. Your siblings. The rest of the
family members.Talk to them about other stuff, catch up
on each other and eventually, talk about your recent
heartbreak. They say the wisest things (most of the time)
and they will comfort you in their own ways. My sisters
(both younger than me) gives me amazing advice.
|Me and my beautiful mum and sisters. I love them very much. |
I just don't say it to their face. It's an Asian thing.
Listen to it religiously. Heavy dose of music is highly
recommended and greatly beneficial for your soul.
19. Pet an animal. Adopt a kitty or a puppy. Look at cute
animal photos from the internet. They will make you feel
so much better. And you will smile and have a good laugh
from looking at those pictures. Satisfaction guaranteed.
20. Get a new makeup makeover.
Ask the makeup artists on duty to give you some tips on
how to look fresh as a daisy or update your makeup
technique. Don't be intimidated by them. They are
probably bored to death standing around waiting for some
sales to happen, and might be more than eager to
experiment with new looks on you.
21. Bake something. Cook. Both are therapeutic for me and I
love seeing how stuff from scratch can turn into
something so delicious and pretty.
I have yet to attempt to make a lasagna. Hmmm.
22. Blog about it. Haha.
If you must be emo or angry about the experience, may I
suggest that you keep the person's name anonymous.
Unless that person is a major bad bad bad human being
with a black heart and has hurt plenty of people, then I
shall give you my green light to even make a banner or
billboard advertisement for that.
23. Island or beach getaway. The calm sea, the warm sun,
the sandcastle building fun...it helps. A lot. Or go traveling
somewhere exotic and fun. Like Capetown or Bangkok or
Europe (if you can afford it).
24. Do charity work.Volunteer at a shelter.
At the moment I am sorting out stuff to give away. Letting
go of old stuff makes room for new things to come into
25. Difficult to do but very good for your speedy heartbreak
recovery : Throw out everything from the relationship, be
it any form of mementoes like photos, old movie tickets,
the cards, the gifts etc.
(Deleting his/her friends from your Facebook is a little
extreme but highly recommended if you want to start
anew and you are the type that cannot handle anything
that may remind you of him/her)
Don't keep those things. You don't need a reminder of
that person. I had a major bonfire during one particular
island getaway with 3 of my girlfriends to burn
EVERYTHING that I saved from my previous
relationships, from the very first one to the current
heartbreak ('oh my gawd what were you thinking going
out with him?!" "oh man, why do you still keep this??
ewww"). It is not good. Good riddance! You keep hanging
on to the past and that doesn't help you move on with life
healthily and positively.
26. Have desserts and food parties.
I feasted non stop for a week a few days after the break
up but it did not compromise my figure too much because
I shared all my food with my friends. During every break
up I get some form of weird eating disorder and lose
massive weight due to the stress, but I ate everything in
small portions this time and enjoyed every morsels of new
culinary adventures as well as familiar favorites.
|With me girls at The Hungry Hog. It was da bomb.|
|This was the lamest, lousiest hotel food provided to us during a wedding function. But the rose wine was good.|
Go to a spa. Get a facial. I personally like mani-pedis and
body massages. You will feel fabulous. And it will hurt
your pockets, so try to do it sparingly. If you can afford to
do it everyday, by all means go ahead!
|You can never tell from this pic that I was going through the hardest time of my life in this picture.|
But boy, did I feel fabulous & gorgeous. Everything by Topshop.
I know this may seem hard to do because the easiest
thing is to just stay in bed, not take a shower and not eat
and wear the same ugly thing you wore forever. STOP IT.
Go ahead and get dressy. You will feel good when you
look good. And the whole process of getting ready is the
fun part and it is also like some form of meditation for me.
You must fake it till you make it.
This was shared to me by a Thai friend of mine. He is a
devout Buddhist and has served as a novice monk.
Acknowledge the pain, acknowledge the thoughts of that
person that hurt you and the whole relationship
experience. Do not run away from the pain or you will end
up with emotional baggage (and that ain't sexy).
Just allow that thought to linger for 2 seconds,
acknowledge it and move on to a happier thought. Like the
awesome BKT supper you had last night or the absolutely
sinful red velvet cake you had right after the BKT supper
(recipe for a stroke or gout).
30. Girls night out. Boys night out.
Talk with new people. Flirt shamelessly (in a classy way
please?) but don't go home with anyone. Make sure you
have friends who chaperons you. You don't want to do
something you will regret the morning after.
Or end up in a rebound relationship. Not good for either
31. Some people resort to pain to numb the pain. Like body
piercings or tattoos.
I write inspiring and motivational notes and stick them all
over my room. And I also put up happy photos of me with
my friends and family. DO NOT TATTOO HIS/HER
NAME. Laser removal treatments are very, very painful
and your skin will look kind of yucky afterwards.
32. Hug someone. Hold someone's hand. Especially if that
other person is hurting too. You will feel a great lift to your
current burden knowing that you made the other person
feel better, hurting less inside.
33. No Facebook wars please.
Don't announce your break up publicly and make a scene.
You will just look stupid and make everyone feel
uncomfortable. Do not make people take sides.
34. Get self help books (especially if you cannot afford the
services of a shrink). Reading is great for you. It gives
you a different (and probably better) perspective in life
and you might reassess your life and approach to life
differently. You might change for the better.
I strongly recommend reading Paulo Coelho's works.
And remember, YOU DESERVE BETTER.
35. Do not over analyze the situation.
It did not work out. It's okay. It isn't you, it's him. It's not
her, it's you. It is okay. You will get through this.
YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS.
I promise you that you will. Because my heart is currently
breaking every minute of the day but I remind myself
gently that this isn't my first time experiencing this. My
eyes go green with envy as I admire cute couples who
look so happy and so in love with each other. But I don't
get bitter about it. Instead, I get really inspired. I become
hopeful. I learn to have more faith that real, good
righteous love is out there. Don't go looking for it. It will
come to you, when the time is right. And when it does,
you will laugh about all your past heartbreaks and be
grateful for them.
Don't lose the lessons though. Don't punish the next
person for what the previous person did, because it isn't
fair and not everyone is the same. Don't carry the
emotional baggage around. Leave it behind.
|Again. Could you tell from this picture that I was hurting like hell inside?|
I was having nervous breakdowns on an almost daily basis.
So while waiting for the wounds to recover, you have got to love yourself more than ever and live your life to the fullest. Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got. Love yourself.
And if you must get anything tattooed, make it that. Love yourself. Self love. Love self.
Big big hugs to all of you that maybe hurting out there and remember this :
"Love is joy. Don't convince yourself that suffering is part of it."
"Joy is not a sin. Suffering is not a virtue."
" You can be who you want to be right now, no matter what your situation looks like. Happiness is about how you interpret what's in front of you. How willing you are to enjoy simple pleasures, even if things aren't perfect."