Thursday, 12 June 2014

The Best 4 Days In Boarneyo. A long winded brain fart by Sharon Chong.

9:15am
                                           18 June 2013

Yay! Clair got us really nice notepads! Waiting for the plane to take off. Wow. All the stewards on this flight are not handsome at all. Not at all. Only one stewardess is quite hot. But her foundation is super thick. Her name is Mira.


Now the ugliest steward is demonstrating how to put on the safety belt and nobody ever cares. I wonder if he feels hurt that no one cares. Do they actually have feelings? Haha. But their grey vests are quite nice. I like anything grey actually.

The captain that is announcing over the speakers need to enunciate more. And perhaps learn to swallow his saliva from time to time.

I had a green chocolate Nip. Yum.


The plane is unbelievably warm but I'm so worried that I might freeze so I'm not taking it off yet. THe piped in music on the plane reminds me of Ramadhan. It's almost July anyway. The fiddler sounds awesome though.


I am so sleepy. Can't wait to drool on my monkey neck pillow.



                                            11:00am




Well. The 'roti putar' was awful. The fruitcake was really delicious. It looked kinda dry and sad but it was actually very moist delish.


I hate the passengers in front of us. The way they sit in their seats are so violent, our drinks almost spilled.


The fruitcake was so good that it made me, Clair and Ming have a very nice and fun, out-of-tangent conversation topics, we talked about coffee, old aunties, durians, awkwards parents etc. My nose is still blocked and that is super annoying. Clair said there's a special 'guasha' technique that will ease my sinus.


Must. Get. Hold. Of. 'Guasha'. Boards.


Uh oh. Mini turbulence.


Ugh. I hate turbulence. And I don't like it when the wings of the aeroplane flap so loudly. 


Oh no.


My ears hurt so much. This is why I hate taking aeroplanes. Grrrr.....

And I can't survive a slow boat ride while in China, let alone one from Macau to HK!

How la this.


Please make the earaches stop...oh dear, did my earwax just popped in my ear??!


And why is it so freezy now??? Hohoho, I managed to steal a purple MAS blankie. Eheheh. Make that TWO blankies.


SUCCESS!!! Hohoho.


Bye bye Mira. You so pretty. I like your hair. But you gotta go easy on the foundation miss. Because you look like a wax figure now, but not as nice as the ones inside Madame Tussaud's.


Wait. Is that how I spell it?? Ugh. Whatever. 

"Bukan dapat menang jackpot pun."    (Bitter  -_____- )



                                              1:30pm



"LOO-GA-GEH".


That's what Clair calls them.


I am super tempted to run on the luggage belt-train-thingy. Looks really fun in those Jackie Chan movies. But what it I fell on my face and break this perfectly crafted work of art?? The world would be deprived of such a rare beauty as mine, a unique cross between oriental-eskimo-enuit-kazakhstan-tranny. I must say, I wasn't really grateful for what I was blessed with. Constantly complaining about my extremely prominenet crooked bald eagle-like nose that got people thinking that I was a "pondan" or a monument of some Hawaiian 'ukiran'.


Haiya. Hurry up lah! Why so long have to wait just for a luggage??


Oh. Speak of the devil. There it is! Big and black. Oops. Bag is a little heavy. Gotta bring them old clothes from KL to KK. Can't bring myself to dispose the old clothes, but I don't wear them much. Might as well bring them home so that I don't ever have to pack any extra 'baju' to wear whenever I balik kampung.


Alrighty roo. Ming's bag and Clair's all done. Let's go!!


Aiyerrrrrr.


Immigration.


Thank God all the Sabahan immigration officers are super friendly in a nice 'kampong' way. Ming and Clair got a blue slip each. If they lose them, they would have to pay some form of fine at some headquarters far, far away.


Clair asked, "Eh, where's yours?"


Me : I'm Sabahan. (kuang kuang kuang)




                                                2:00pm


Dad's here. With Ah Ling.


Dad drove the old SA8889J. It's been ages since we sat in that 4 wheel drive. Haa.....

Toyota makes the best 4 wheel drives in the world!

Then again I maybe super biased because dad was selling Toyotas for the longest time. Oh and all the awesome holidays we had while daddy was working for them. I think I liked our free Australian holiday the best....hmm, although it was just Perth, those 2 weeks spent in kangaroo-koala land was bliss. I tasted my first proper Western food - steak. It was not nice at all.


On our first day at the Burswood Casino hotel, we 'nasi lemak' for breakfast and the 'sambal' was super yums! I was so impressed! As an 11 year old, I did not get to taste much 'nasi lemak' at home because Mum cooked loads of yummy Chinese dishes and the occasional (oh no, is it 2 Cs or 2 Ss???) spaghetti bolognaise. Thus, I had not much references for a great tasting steamed coconut rice, topped with salty-sweet deep fried anchovies and laden with a sweet-spicy chilli paste. Along with a side of halved hard-boiled eggs and sliced cucumbers that are oh-so-juicy and crispy! (I can't believe I used 'thus'.)


So, I mustered whatever courage I had as an 11 year old and asked one of the nice waitresses.


"I really like your 'nasi lemak'. It's a Malaysian dish. How come it's served here at this hotel?"


Nice waitress with blonde hair : "Oh. That's because 1/4 of Perth is owned by Malaysians."


Me : "Oh. Really? Wow."



Sheesh. 

The air conditioning in dad's car is broken!
Noooooooo!!!
Uh-oh. Clair is suffering at the back of the car. I'm so embarrased. We are such terrible hosts! How could we let our guests die from heat stroke???

Uh oh.


Do I feel a tiny burst of heat rash breaking out on my neck?? Gahhh...nooo....
Have no fear, I always carry a pack of anti-histamines with me wherever I go.

OH NOOOOOOOO....


It's back in KL in the other Marilyn Monroe slingbag because I wanted to use my new Sony backpack. Aiyer......



(This is exactly why I cannot be a writer for children's books or become sensational like my favourite author, Paulo Coelho. I have consistent brain farts and very evil thoughts brewing inside me. Sometimes I read my journal and feel so shocked at myself. This excerpt was from a travel journal written in a holiday notepad that I failed to finish during those 4 days. It was virtually impossible as the activities revolved around eating all the time. And sleeping. All in all, it was a good holiday. And this was written way before the MH370 incident. I am sorry for all the mean thoughts that I have whenever I board a plane. It's just a reflex that I have because I have an irrational phobia towards flying. So, I guess that is how I react when I am terrified. I think now, more than ever, all Malaysians would not take anything for granted anymore whenever they fly. Thank you fellow cabin crews and pilots and everyone that is responsible for ensuring that we are travelling safely inside the aeroplane. You guys are super.)